Prick of the Week: Tingle

Look at him. Fucking paedo.

If you've never played any of Nintendo's 'Legend of Zelda' series this will all be meaningless to you... not that I've ever let a little thing like a complete lack of interest on the part of the reader put me off. If 'I Hate It Here' were a movie it would be the venerable Spielberg flick 'Duel', where a frightened, innocent man (you) is remorselessly pursued by a shadowy, relentless juggernaut (in this case a juggernaut of pointless waffle concerning video-games, annoying customers and stuff about the West Midlands).

I will not be stopped.

Anyway, Tingle is a minor character in LOZ; he's a middle-aged man in a fairy suit who loiters around Hyrule and attempts to coerce the (10 year old) Link into doing his weird bidding - this usually involves bringing him special items in order to gain his favour, the perv. He's a basically a fantasy world paedophile. There, I've said it; Nintendo can sue me if they want. Tingle likes touching little boys. He's the Hyrulian Gary Glitter, and a very annoying one at that. And OK, I'm ripping into a fictional character from a children's videogame, which probably makes me even more tragic than previously suspected. I get that. But he's the asshole, not me. Still, at least he's not real, eh?

Run, children! Run like the wind!

Mighty fuck!