So I went into the Spar to buy some tobacco, as is my habit, and wouldn't you know it but there's an attractive lady at the till. Lovely, she was. Good hair, pretty eyes. Boobs. So, plastering on my nicest smile, I got ready to use my best and most effective opening line ('12.5 grammes of Cutter's Choice, please.' Never fails) when she beat me to it, saying 'Hello. What can I get you?'...
...in the deepest, bassiest voice I've ever heard issue from a female mouth. She sounded like Ray Winstone. Suitably freaked out, I grabbed my baccy and scuttled out into the night.
It's shit like this that makes me want to not leave the house.
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