Hey Kids!

Are you lonely? Girlfriend left you? Short on mates? Do you spend your Friday nights alone, browsing the interweb for pictures of boobs, the knowledge that this is the closest you'll get to a real pair lying heavy in your gut like cold tripe? Perhaps you're having trouble sleeping. Maybe you're angry all the time. For no reason! If that' s the case then why not try...

Turps!

Turps is a revolutionary new beverage that will make all your pain go away... only to be replaced by a new, more physical pain as your digestive tract slowly rots from the inside! This searing, prolonged agony will go hand in hand with incipient brain damage and eventual death, so even an isolated piece of social wreckage like you will have something else to worry about. Whatever your problem, turps will make it all OK... for about three weeks. Then you go blind and die. So drink turps and wash all the bitterness right out of your life, because hey - it's not like anyone will miss you!

Please note: drinking turps is really bad for you. Don't do it, I was having you on. I Hate It Here takes no responsibility for you or any of your moron ilk, you dumb, dumb fuckwit.